Pandora's Box, he says I love you so why does it hurt?
Abuse knows no cultural or geographic barriers. The Scranton Resource Center reports receiving 6000 calls each year. This book, “Pandora’s Box”, could not be timelier. Legal systems, resource and social services should consider this book as an excellent source of reading along with their anti-abuse programs.
The media everyday has filled our homes with this hidden problem by means of talk and news shows. Many new shelters go up every year. Facts show that emotional, verbal and physiological abuse leads to more violent crimes, including physical and sexual abuse. This problem is of interest to everyone who wants to understand it better. Those interested in this book include women who are victims and men who are abusers. Readers include those who wish to stop the violence, ministers who wish to help their flock, doctors who wish to help the patients, abuse centers and shelters who wish to provide education and a way out for they victims.
We call it domestic violence, we hide from it, we are ashamed of it, we put up with it, we deny it, everything, except how to understand it enough to prevent it or solve it. This book addresses this delicate subject with straightforward and painful honesty. This book is a courageous true life story told by the author herself. This is a book that will move you and bring a tear to your eyes jet a book with answers, solutions and resources to stop abuse.
This book may cover only abuse happening to women at the hands of men in their lives, but it contains a list of organizations for men to help themselves and stop they abuse.
The book answers such questions:
1) What is abuse and what types are there?
2) How to get inside the mind of the abuser?
3) How to respond to verbal abuse, and stop it?
4) Why do men abuse? What are they traits and tactics?
5) Why do women stay in abusive situations?
6) What can the victim do to gain back her life?
Her self esteem?
Her independence?
Release date Early September 2008
Reserve your copy and workshop today
1-860-871-6585
Eve Anderson
The Book Proposal
Few books could be found that dealt with abuse in such a personal way and in such detail. Few books could be found having such a great deal of current resources nationwide. A current book on the market that is similar yet unequal in content and purpose. The book is, “What to do when Love turns Violent”, by Marian Betancourt. It is filled with helpful advice. “Pandora’s Box” differs in the following ways: This book is unique in understanding not just the victim’s pain but the reasoning of the abuser. Much attention is given to the manipulation and deceitful ways of the psychological abuser. One chapter deals with practical advice on realistic conversations with the verbal abuser and how to defuse his attacks. This book will stir a tear; motivate victims and organizations to help themselves. This book is filled with real life experiences, diary accounts, poetry and, answers to understanding the problem better.
We must continue to educate one another about this national epidemic and one effective way is by the sale of this book, “Crimes of the Heart.” The aim of this book is to heal the writer and second to find solutions and courage for other victims. It answers questions for the general public to better understand this problem.
A lot of these abused women need answers, courage and, direction. The book is designed to do just that. This book is a real life story that all those who are abused can relate to. For those seeking instant answers, the book was designed to be read cover to cover in less then three hours.
MARKETING PLAN
They are a number of special places for this book, “Crimes of the Heart” in the market place. This book can be read at leisure while bringing a tear to someone eyes or it could educate and bring inspiring hope and solutions for individuals as well as organizations. Since the book deals with a growing issue, many organizations would love to keep this book on hand. I plan to make myself available for lectures and workshops in the following ways:
* Law enforcement - domestic violence programs
* Continued Education college/high school programs
* Television and radio talk show programs on crime/abuse.
* Articles on true life stories in women magazines.
* Lecture workshops and book signing at Bookstores.
* Made for TV movie, based on a true life courageous account.
The author, Eve Anderson is an experienced lecturer and plans to devote a great deal of time to further the sale of the book by personal appearances, workshops and book signing. She will make sure she is available for any promotional activities scheduled by the publishers.
About the Author
They are no degree or education more important then experience it. If we can understand and learn thru our own real life experiences then we can have insight and
Be wise. In turn we can share to others what we have learned.
Eve Anderson suffered emotional abuse her whole life. She did not even have a self, a healthy self, till her thirties. Now in her first book she reveals her three years of experience with every type of abuse. She will take you though emotional, psychological, spiritual, verbal and financial abuse that can lead to more serious crimes. Eve Anderson is self-sufficient, independent yet still suffered abuse. When your abuser is a con-man, manipulator and deceiver, he can and will fool everyone, including professionals. These are the hardest nuts to crack, so to speak. She has learned that abusers are weak. Abusing gives them power, a fix or addiction to feed on. We must become smarter and more powerful in a positive way. Abusers spend time gathering information, creating situations, obsessing, controlling, and liking being the center of attention. Now I conceived a child due to a crime by my ex-boyfriend and wish to dedicate this book to this child. I wish to turn a negative into a positive for all concerning. I look forward raising my son to love and respect women and stop the cycle of abuse one individual at a time.
Eve Anderson took up the pen in 1991 with journal and poetry writing as healing tools. She has experience writing with feelings, which are one reason; her writings touch people’s hearts. She was born in Miami, Florida and raised in Europe. She has resided in Connecticut since the early 1970's and lives with her cat Miko. She grew up with her father as a college professor and her mother as a seamstress. Eva Mai Yao has seen the whole U.S and parts of Europe before the age of 15. Fitness, natural healing and stress management has been her specialties and where most of her training and research comes from. She has spoken on the subject of stress to individuals with workshops entitled,”Don’t Worry be Happy”. She has many interests including Tennis, gourmet food and travel. Her real love is writing to cover current issues.
Table of Contents
Dedication and Introduction
Chapter One: A Ray of Hope
Chapter Two: The Many Faces of Abuse
Chapter Three: Reflections of Inner Peace
Chapter Four: Men Behaving Badly
Chapter Five: Taking Care of Yourself
Chapter Six: My Daily Meditations
Chapter Seven: Spiritual Abuse
Chapter Eight: Self help Workbook
Chapter Nine: Tips and Resources
Chapter Ten: Resources
Dedication and Introduction.
It covers to whom the book was written and the fact that all names in the book have been changed to protect the privacy of all involved. The Introduction describes the reason the book was written. Outline of three things a victim can do to protect themselves and how later chapters go more into that. This section is to reassure victims not to believe everything they hear from their abusers and to let go of the blame. Reassures them they are not alone. It tells of the importance of prevention.
It describes healthy verses unhealthy relationships. The poem “Long Ago and Far Away” shows how we need to self love ourselves first. Under the heading “Our Healthy Needs”, we see how unhealthy thoughts are created and how society influences family values. The last paragraph concludes with advice about what our proper attitude should be.
Chapter One
A Ray of Hope
In a creative and intimate way, her words in this chapter reflect on her painful past from the more positive present. Giving the bible account of Job as an example, we see painful endurance being rewarded by God. Also I share my letter I wrote in therapy that has become over the years a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everything I wanted for myself has come true. Under the heading of “Dance of Life”, it describes positive feelings with the illustration of a dance. Music has more meaning, she stops dancing, just long enough to reflect on the past as a learning tool. She continues to dance with her eyes closed in complete trust. She refers to hope as a ray of sunshine, a rainbow at the end of the storm and a light at the end of a tunnel. This chapter is to uplift and inspire the reader that there is hope amidst the darkness of abuse. There is a way out.
Chapter Two
The Many Faces of Abuse
It is the intention to explain four common types of abuse. Answering questions such as, “How is an abuser created?” The beginning of a two and a half year journey into this abusive relationship is told. From the day we met to our engagement, with all the warning signs there, yet overlooked. It goes into his past relationships and why starting a family became such an obsession. Under the heading, “To Love and be Loved”, it discusses my birth and upbringing in a dysfunctional American family. It starts by telling of my mothers attempt to be a single parent along with all the hardships. I realize later how possessive and controlling my mother was. How her affection and over protectiveness was mistaken for love. Abuse has many sugar coated faces and an innocent child only knows what she is taught...
Chapter Three
Reflections on Inner Peace
How do we create inner peace? This chapter goes into some common misconceptions and unproven methods. Describing society’s addiction to work and pleasures and what we need to heal for love and acceptance. Under the heading, “Love, Innocence and Birth”, it speaks about our lost innocence. I speak about what I need to feel happy and at peace. How my mothers influence created my views today. My anger from the hurt that was suppressed I started to recall never being believed and needing trust, hope, faith and the right kind of love to heal and be whole again.
Chapter Four
Men Behaving Badly
Shows how stress can drive some men crazy. Five main factors can be blamed on they behavior;
1) Brain Chemistry
2) Childhood Upbringing
3) External and Internal stress overload
4) Chemical Abuse
5) Health Problems
A man has to want to change and we can not do it for them. Can we predict which man will become abusive? My personal experiences with Jim and his early behavior give hints. Even his positive qualities had bad motives. No one would have guessed he would become an abuser, by his qualities alone.
Chapter Five
Best Ways to take Care of You.
This chapter is of great interest to the abused. To sum it up, it takes us though various ways of understanding and responding to emotional and verbal abuse. How do you respond to verbal abuse? Listed are eleven examples of what the abuser would say, what method it is called and what your reply should be. Under the heading, “Methods Employed”, I attempt to explain and list each method such as denial, fear, undermining, judging etc. Nine traits of the abuser are listed and explained. For example his perception is defined, his non-social behavior and others. It states five ways to end the brainwashing effects of your abuser:
1) Samples of Affirmations and how to create your own.
2) Safe ways to express your anger.
3) Benefiting from others experiences.
4) How to be good to yourself.
5) Know your resources and options.
Chapter Six: My Daily Meditations.
Taken from my diary I then express the motives and actions of my abuser. Revealed are deep thoughts about my unmet needs and how I felt detached. For example under the heading, “Crimes of the Heart” it states:
“Being a Prisoner of a dysfunctional love is no picnic. It takes its toll on your mental, spiritual and physical health. It takes all your strength plus help of other professionals to regain the good that was once lost. Do not give up! Life is continual and an endless learning adventure. People need to come and go in our lives. Change is continual and growth has pain mixed with it. As adults we are responsible and capable of making that journey as painless as possible. One way is to take the shortest route and pass helpful people on the road, if we get off the beaten path of our wonderful life.”
Chapter Seven: SpiritualAbuse.
The religion I grew up with from the age of 14 was my family for 15 years. They called each other brother and sister. I speak about my marriage over 13 years ago to a man of that faith who abused and threaten me for four years. It speaks of my only way out was to leave the only faith and family I knew. No one believed that a minister’s son could lead a double life. Every bad thing he spook about his wife, everyone believed. I turned the other cheek and left for 10 years. Now I find a man, Jim, interested in coming into the faith, so I return. It takes about a year of silence and no mingling with friends of that faith to prove my motives in coming back. Jim studies and I am finally accepted back. After a two day vacation with Jim, he cries to the ministers wives that I had sex with him and I was dating him for his money. Slander is happening and no one talks with me. Later Jim confesses to raping me, in a letter to the elders. Later he said that it was a lie and I made him write it because I did not want to be kicked out of the faith again. Diary accounts from the summer of 1994 are recorded. The actual breakup letter to Jim and a letter to police for damage to my car are included.
Chapter Ten: Resource and Workbook
A listing of clear cut danger signals is listed:
1) He cannot see, feel or have fellow feeling for you.
2) Does he need to be in control?
3) Does he use money as control?
4) Does he spoil you with gifts and attention?
5) Does he speak badly about you to others?
6) Does he Manipulates everything and everybody?
7) Is his brain chemically imbalanced?
Is ADD, Attention Deficient Disorder related to criminal activity? Perhaps not, but most prisoners have ADD. Seventeen associated traits that co-exist with ADD are explained and Borderline Personality Disorder is tied in. The next paragraph shows what triggers abusers. Next it speaks about why women stay. I define what abuse is and what types exist. Questions you should ask yourself to know if you are abused. Discussed are the feelings of the abused. A list of twenty bad traits of the abuser are listed and explained to educate the potential victim. I list three main reasons why women stay, for example, one is guilt, and the others are fear and dependence.
Read about the twelve bad qualities that make up the con-artist and manipulator. A dozen further characteristics of the abuser are explained.
Several poems, one on faith she has is included here;
I show the five stages leading up to crimes... There are many patterns that lead to abuse and someone having a criminal mind. Some are Hostility, having rage, feeling empty, compulsive, keeping secrets, impressing others, externalizes, viewing himself as a victim, blinded by denial, losing control, isolating they victims, being selfish, and developing a false ego etc.
The Circle of Abuse includes;
1) Isolation
2) Intimidation
3) Brainwashing
4) Control
5) Threats
6) Uses
7) Abuses
8) Harming and sometimes killing
My last entry in my diary of February 16, 1997 is recorded. Including 12 Tips on leaving the abuser and what a woman can do to make her life safer. Find out things to do, buy and methods to employ to make a new life for you.
Included is the crime reports based on figures from the FBI and Department of Justice.
Listed are the nationwide resources across America including shelters, centers, and organizations and. programs. A few resources for men that wish to stop abuse are listed.